they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
