Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
