My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
