cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
