i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
