Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
