And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
