Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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