i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
