Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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