I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
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as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
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In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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