even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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