where does the pee come out of this thing
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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