I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
