oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
