he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
