Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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