Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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