I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
