Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
