seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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