i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
