just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
