you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
