I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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