So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
