I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I need a beard to bite.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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