ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
operation harelip BJ is a go
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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