...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
