I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
