Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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