Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
