Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
