Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
