I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
