So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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