like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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