I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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