Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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