I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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