I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
3 2 1 whiskey
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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