we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
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I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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