I just made out with a guy for $7.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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