I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
