I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
