You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There r osticjed everywhere
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
