My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
