I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
