Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
