I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
