You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
