maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
