I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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