**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
