I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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