And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
