You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
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Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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