after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We got so high we made milksteak
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
