Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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