I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
