the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize