Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
