R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i need an iv and a liver transplant
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
