Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
They have beer where we have blood.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
