terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
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Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Never joke about your clitoris.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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