I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I FOUND THE LEGS
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
