We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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