I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
