"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
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He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize