Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
