that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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