Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
