She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
