I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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